Tag Archives: thoughts and feelings

Passing Through?

state.of.my.heart

Everything feels unusually tame today. Strangely passive. Like some stillness after a chaotic state or a calm after the storm. I’m thinking that this… emptiness? discomfort? nagging feeling? might be just the cumulative result of lack of coffee, few hours of sleep, uninspiring set of articles to review, and the residual effect of the past crappy days. Not to mention the melancholic episodes I get every now and then.

I really don’t know but right now, I feel like the beloved rag-doll unceremoniously set aside to be replaced by the brand new Barbie. Like a heroine stripped off her powers and left weak with pain. Like an athlete who suddenly run out of adrenalin, of prospective.

Le sigh. Maybe it’s just stress. Or I’m being melodramatic, once again.

But I want to be uncoiled in this state of uncertainty. I want to rest and sleep for hours while angels sing softly in my ears the secret dreams I hide in my heart. Hell, I just want to enjoy again the taste and aroma of my coffee without feeling bleak. I want to break free from this unknown shaky ground that cryptically feels like numbness. I don’t do numb. I don’t know how to handle numb.


Writing my thoughts, reading my feelings… I’m starting to realize something. This is not the stillness after the chaos, or the calm AFTER the storm. It’s the one that precedes it, the one BEFORE the chaos, the storm, the roller-coaster episode of emotions.

Heaven, help me.

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LOVE and LIGHT to all! X

The Next Chapter

new chapter

Well, hello 2013! Hello, WordPress!

After six loyal years with Blogger, I finally decided to try something new. And by try, I mean exerting efforts to get my blogging mojo back. About four years ago, I started “Disappearances Happen,” an online diary that chronicles pretty much everything about my life – family, love, work, friends, travel, thoughts, and random rants. I got my blog’s title from one of my favorite TV series, Grey’s Anatomy (ep. Drowning on Dry Land, 2007).

MEREDITH: [narrating] “Like I said, disappearances happen. Pains go phantom. Blood stops running and people, people fade away. There’s more I have to say, so much more, but… I disappeared.”

And with millions of bloggers all over the world, I often wonder if I disappear (stop blogging), will my readers miss me when I’m gone.

366 posts later and the demise of my father the day after Christmas 2010, I decided to delete “Disappearances Happen.” Mid-2011, I began blogging again with Blogger under “Feileacangirl” (Butterfly Girl). I was able to post 40 entries as Feileacangirl. I wanted to do more but whenever I attempt to put my thoughts into words, I stop. It wasn’t a case of writer’s block. I think it was more a disassociation with my blog. The change I started with Feileacangirl was relatively okay. But I needed good, possibly better.

So, I tried Posterous for a couple of months. Alas, after a dozen of entries, I stopped blogging again. But with the new year, I’m aiming for a new chapter of my blogging life. It’s about darn time for me to reclaim my passion.

It’s time for a real change! I recycled my first love’s title, “Disappearances Happen,” – a self-reminder that there’so much more I want to say and there’s no better day than today to start writing and living my story. So, WordPress, PLEASE be good to me.

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LOVE and LIGHT to all! X