Passing Through?

state.of.my.heart

Everything feels unusually tame today. Strangely passive. Like some stillness after a chaotic state or a calm after the storm. I’m thinking that this… emptiness? discomfort? nagging feeling? might be just the cumulative result of lack of coffee, few hours of sleep, uninspiring set of articles to review, and the residual effect of the past crappy days. Not to mention the melancholic episodes I get every now and then.

I really don’t know but right now, I feel like the beloved rag-doll unceremoniously set aside to be replaced by the brand new Barbie. Like a heroine stripped off her powers and left weak with pain. Like an athlete who suddenly run out of adrenalin, of prospective.

Le sigh. Maybe it’s just stress. Or I’m being melodramatic, once again.

But I want to be uncoiled in this state of uncertainty. I want to rest and sleep for hours while angels sing softly in my ears the secret dreams I hide in my heart. Hell, I just want to enjoy again the taste and aroma of my coffee without feeling bleak. I want to break free from this unknown shaky ground that cryptically feels like numbness. I don’t do numb. I don’t know how to handle numb.


Writing my thoughts, reading my feelings… I’m starting to realize something. This is not the stillness after the chaos, or the calm AFTER the storm. It’s the one that precedes it, the one BEFORE the chaos, the storm, the roller-coaster episode of emotions.

Heaven, help me.

***
LOVE and LIGHT to all! X

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